I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
