Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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