I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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