she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
