Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
