I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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