I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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