Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
