Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
