Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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