It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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