i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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