So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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