I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
