Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
