why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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