Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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