Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize