I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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