Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize