I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
