Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
