she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your cock deserves a montage
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
