I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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