We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I believe in your delicious
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