So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
