Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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