thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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