he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
