I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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