After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
