I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
