i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
