she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
