Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
