dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
