11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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