So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
