But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
