I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We left the knife in your bed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
