That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
