I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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