I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
