mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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