I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
