In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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