Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
