you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
