Grow some girl-balls and come out already
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
