All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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