Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
