everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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