new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
