so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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