Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
COCAINE IS GR8
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
