Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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