just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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