I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
not ubering you a puppy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
