I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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