I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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