waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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