I feel great
I just peed on a car
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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