I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
