you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
