sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
