Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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