omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
