Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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