I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
