You're completely useless in the revolution.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
