She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
