Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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