Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
