so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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